Kris Humphries Is A Scrub (And He Can’t Get No Love From Me)

Scrub: a guy who thinks he’s fly, he’s also known as a Buster. He’s always talking about what he wants and he just sits on his broke ass. (See: Kris Humphries)

Kris, please leave Kim alone. It’s getting a lot harder for us to make fun of her, cuz now we kind of feel bad.

See at first, we were all like, “WOW Kim, that was a dumb move there, marrying that ogre. Because 1. He is an ogre and 2. That day you get divorced is going to suck cuz we all know he’s going to fame-whore the shit out of you.” And then they did get divorced (or are trying!)…and he is fame whore-ing the shit out of her…and now we kind of feel bad. Because even though we all expected these things to happen, we didn’t think it would only take 72 days and one shitty spinoff season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We at least thought we would have 6-7 months to bask in the glory of Kim Kardashian’s horrible marriage (sorry Kimmy).

What really sucks, though, is all those “my last pee lasted longer than your marriage” jokes just don’t make sense anymore, because now they’ve been technically married for like a year and a half, and I’ve just never peed for a year and half. (72 days, however…)

Plus, now her eggo is preggo with a little Kanye nugget, and he can’t even wife her up because she’s tied down to the Hump (and I’m sure ‘Ye just can’t WAIT to make a life long commitment to one woman!).

The reason for this hold-up is that Kris won’t just settle for a divorce. He wants to annul that shit, and in order to get an annulment, there has to be a case of fraud. So, Humpty Dumpty is suing Kimmy K for a fraudulent marriage claiming she organized it for ratings/fame. Interesting.

First of all, KRIS, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! EVERYTHING KIM DOES IS FOR RATINGS/FAME!!! What makes you think you are so special?

Second of all, you two had a weird-ass relationship! She was literally half your size and any attempt at romance seemed like so seriously creepy pedophile shit. See below:

CREEPY, RIGHT?!

And finally, Kris, have you not noticed that since you two broke up Kim stopped wearing colour?! She is literally mourning the fact that she is still tied to your fame-whoring ass in any way.

Hump, I think it’s time to settle for that 10 mil she offered you and go retire back to Shrek land. It would be better for your image than being hollywood’s biggest scrub.

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